Continuing the Journey of Life with Dignity and Pride

by Sharon Gordon

I met Ben about five years ago when I began working as the Older Adult Director at the JCC. Ben at the time was a dapper man of 91. He could be found on most afternoons in the Senior Lounge playing bridge with his friends. Although he was thin and a bit frail, his mind was perfect. He would walk into the Center with his head held high and a big smile on his face. I am certain that that smile was much appreciated on his frequent visits to his wife in the Alzheimer's unit at Daughters of Israel. Ben's wife had been at DOI for many years, passing away about three years ago. Ben continued to visit the other patients and volunteer at the unit until very recently, when he became physically unable to do so.

Over the past five years, I have watched Ben become frailer and frailer. He'd go in and out of the hospital, and then return to his friends at the Margulies Senior Center to continue his never-ending bridge game. He also participated in the many celebrations, discussions, and educational opportunities at the JCC.

About a year ago, I walked into the Center and saw Ben lying on the couch. I went over to him to see if he was ok. In typical Ben fashion, he said that he was wonderful and that, "It was just my heart failure acting up." He said that it was ok because he was parked downstairs in the Senior Parking Lot and that he would rest for a bit and go home. I knew that that meant that he would drive himself home. Once he was cleared by the paramedics, he did drive himself home, but as you can imagine, we knew that we needed to find Ben another way to come to the JCC, see his friends, participate in activities, and continue his bridge game. By this time, Ben was becoming frailer and was walking with the assistance of a cane.

About six months ago, after Ben's most recent hospital stay, he once again returned to continue his bridge game and his life at the JCC. This time however, he did it with the help of an oxygen tank and a wheelchair. We had been pleading with him over the past year to stop driving and allow MetroTransport to pick him up and bring him home. He was ready. Ben lived in a one-time luxury building in East Orange. He had had lots of friends in the building but, as so often is the case, he outlived them all. By this time, Ben was 96. Most recently, his younger brother, who lived in Morristown, passed away. His daughter lived in Vermont and her visits were rare. So, we at the JCC were his family. Until MetroTransport, if Ben couldn't drive himself to the JCC, he would have sat in his apartment, alone, and wait to die.

Ben once again became a regular at the JCC. The MetroTransport driver would bring him to the Center and accompany him in with his oxygen tank and wheelchair. Even on the many days that Ben had a doctor's appointment, the driver would take him to the doctor and then, instead of bringing him home, she would bring him straight to the Center. MetroTransport had truly allowed Ben to live his final days with dignity and friendship. The driver became a surrogate daughter to Ben, and together they would make sure that Ben was on time for his medical appointments and that he made it to the JCC to continue his life.

Daily they would pass by my office and I would greet him and ask him how he was doing. The answer was always the same, and accompanied by a big Ben smile: "Wonderful, I am here." Once again, Ben was back with his friends, playing bridge and, if I know Ben, probably winning. He was very frail, but still dapper and charming as always, and loved by all.

Ben passed away recently, on Thanksgiving. True to his nature, there couldn't be a more appropriate day. Thanksgiving will hold a great deal of significance in remembering Ben's life. He was always thankful for everything in his life and everything that anyone did for him. Ben donated his body to medical science so that others could benefit from him even after his death. As I always remember when one of our members passes on: "When we lose someone at 96 is it not a tragedy but a sad event." In Ben's case, I take comfort in knowing that we as a community were there for him and that instead of spending his final year in his apartment alone, he was among friends who loved him. As I walk into the Senior Center, I envision Ben sitting at that card table and know that he is smiling down at all of us. I would like to thank MetroTransport for enabling me to ensure that Ben's final years, and the final years of others, are not spent alone because of lack of transportation, but that they are able to continue seeing their friends, learning, growing, and continuing the journey of life with dignity and pride.

Sharon Gordon, MSW, is Director, Center for Adult Enrichment, at JCC MetroWest.

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