Celebrating Hanukkah meaningfully
By Rabbi Cherie Koller-Fox

When our children were small, they would look forward to Hanukkah each year. They loved the candles and latkes and, of course, the presents. Soon, they were rushing through the candles to get to the presents and had no patience to sing songs or even play dreidle. The present orgy got quickly out of control with three children and eight days, not to mention grandparents, gift exchanges and the like.

What inevitably happened was that the evening, which started out with great excitement and anticipation, often ended badly. A toy would break or someone got something that someone else had wanted, and the tears would begin to flow. It simply wasn't fun or in the spirit of the holiday. We decided we'd had enough!

Some years ago, we sat down with the children before the holiday and made a list with them of how we wanted to celebrate each night. We didn't completely get rid of presents, but we do feel better about what we are teaching our children. Over the past decade we have had wonderful Hanukkah celebrations and have created traditions that are now part of our family rituals –hand no more tears!

Here are eight of our favorite Hanukkah happenings!

1. Friends and Fire Night. We build a big fire in the fireplace and invite friends over whose children are our children's friends. Then we plan a fun activity. One year, our children each got to make and eat a pie of their own design. Another year, we covered the tables and had Art Night, where the children painted murals and made figures out of clay. Now that they are teens, our kids get together and made a dinner for their friends.

2. Music Night. We invite friends over who play instruments and who like to sing. Then we spend the evening singing, playing dreidle, and eating latkes.

3. Tzedakah (Charity) Night. On this night we do something for others. When the children were small, we bought gifts to donate to a Christmas toy campaign or sent money to the Jerusalem Post Toy Fund. Now that they are older, we can serve dinner at a shelter or work at a food bank. These outings might be combined with another favorite, Movie Night, when the whole family goes to the movies together.

4. Big Present Night. We give each child one big present.

5. Book Night. When they were younger, we would buy each child a storybook and spend the evening reading the books out loud and telling Hanukkah stories. Now, we buy the family a video we've all been wanting or a piece of software.

6. Tickets Night. We pick out a cultural event – concert, play, etc. – that we would like to go to as a family in the weeks ahead and then we purchase the tickets.

7. Grandparents Night. We give the children the presents that came in the mail and get on the phone and talk to their grandparents and their cousins scattered around the country. If your family is closer, you could have a family party.

8. Homemade Presents Night. This is definitely our favorite and has been consistently on our list from the beginning. We pick lots to decide who in the family each one will make a present for. These presents are always treasured – no matter how simple or elaborate. My husband still keeps the bills in a box that our son decorated for that purpose when he was five. The year our daughter was Bat Mitzvah, her older brother created a plaque with her invitation and pictures on it. My son designed a menorah in the shape of a cat for his cousin who is an agoraphile. My husband made comedy/tragedy masks out of paper mache for our son, the thespian.

Lately, we have enjoyed creating elaborate Hanukkah decorations for our home, both inside and out, in order to get back to a basic Hanukkah mitzvah, which is to publicize the miracle. The point is that long after commercial presents would have been broken and forgotten, our memories of family time at Hanukkah remain.

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For additional reading

• Holidays: Hanukkah: Latkes
• Celebrating Hanukkah meaningfully
• Fulfilling our dreams: a Hanukkah reflection
• MyJewishLearning.com: Hanukkah History
• MyJewishLearning.com: Hanukkah in the community
• MyJewishLearning.com: Hanukkah at home
• MyJewishLearning.com: Hanukkah themes and theology
• The story of Hanukkah