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A birthday, party or no party

Israel celebrates a birthday this month. It is 58 years old. It was born — the state, the political entity — with the United Nations for a midwife back on May 14, 1948.

I was born that same year. Birthday celebrations for people past the half-century mark tend to be gentle affairs. Life is too short, we say, for trouble we can avoid. So let’s pick our battles.

Would that Israel could do the same.

As countries go, Israel is still in its youth. So maybe when it is a few hundred years old, or a few thousand, maybe then it will be able to pick its battles, just as the fortunate among us in mid-life or advancing years can choose how we want to spend our time and energy.

The proximity of Israel’s birthday, Yom Ha’atzmaut, to Yom HaZikaron, the equivalent of Memorial Day in the United States, reminds us that all is not well in the Jewish homeland, where every one of us is welcome, as a Jew, regardless of anything else — affiliation, politics, philanthropy.

Yom HaZikaron, originally a tribute to Israeli soldiers fallen in battle, now also memorializes civilian victims of terrorism. On that day, a horn sounds. And wherever you are when you hear it, you stop what you are doing to remember the dead.

There are new victims almost every day. The birthday party for the State of Israel cannot be too leisurely. The next soldier to die, the next bus-rider or movie-goer to perish in consequence of going about the most ordinary act of ordinary life — the next such death is the end of the party.

But it is not the end of the State of Israel, which is 58 years old this month, party or no party.

With your support, UJC will continue its part in keeping Israel on the difficult path toward an age when, we can only hope, it will have that best of all presents: the freedom to choose its battles.

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New foundation to support programs for women, girls  

Except, oddly enough, in games of sport, the playing field is still not level for women. Girls may play soccer on the same grass that the boys play on, but when it comes to life, that old metaphoric field is still tilted, and it is still women on the lower part.

So says Marsha Atkind, director of the new Jewish Women’s Foundation of New Jersey. That imbalance holds true in the Jewish community as well, she says. “It is just like life. Most executives are men. Most federation presidents. Most of the high leadership across the board.”

The foundation was undertaken to level the playing field and “to spur the development of initiatives to advance the status of women and girls. This, in turn, enriches families, making life better for everyone.”

At the foundation’s first official meeting last month, guest speaker Nancy Schwartz Sternoff, director of the Dobkin Family Foundation in New York City, spoke “about the opportunities and challenges ahead.”

These are considerable. Among women, issues tend to be representational. For example, the U.S. population is more than 50 percent female, yet only 22 percent of state and federal legislators are women. Why is this?

“When men are absent from the home,” says Atkind, “it’s more customary somehow. And the social system accommodates it. When women are away from the home, it’s more of a disruption. Women with careers still end up doing more of the housework and child care.”

When you add the related issues of day care and old boys’ networks, it is not hard to see why women “feel great psychological pressure,” under which some opt out.

While there are more women in the professions — medicine, law, engineering — than a generation ago, “there is still a glass ceiling,” Atkind says. “And usually the older partners are men, and they act as mentors to younger men, meeting after work in bars or playing golf together on weekends. Comparable experiences just don’t happen frequently enough for women.”

As for girls, problems often have to do with perception: perception by society at large and perception by the girls themselves.

“Awareness of girls’ issues,” Atkind says, “tends to be personal or peripheral to society’s agenda.” That is, if your daughter is caught up in a situation involving bullying, you will likely find out about it. Otherwise, you might be only vaguely aware of bullying as a real problem among girls.

“Girls can be mean to one another,” Atkind says, “but the meanness is usually verbal and non-violent. Bullying among boys is more often physical.”

The response to physical violence is usually eventful, e.g., some quality time with the principal or police. Such responses penetrate social consciousness. They get into newspapers and over-the-backyard-fence conversations. While society knows all about boy bullies, it does not yet grasp the depth of cruelty that girls can perpetrate upon other girls.

Some issues affecting girls and women are depressingly familiar: looks and weight or, in modern parlance, body image and self-esteem. “Beauty may be only skin deep,” Atkind notes, “but it affects confidence.”

And if girls are beautiful and thin, all is well? Not necessarily, says Atkind. They can still erect barriers to their own advancement. “You don’t want to offend your boyfriend, so you make sure you don’t get a better grade in physics than he does.”

The work of the foundation will be to make assessments, identify needed programs, get the necessary agencies involved, and then to seed the programs and stay with them long enough for success.

“Eventually,” says Atkind, “we want these to be not just women’s issues, but mainline recipients of federation funding, so the issues cannot stay marginalized.”

In the near term, the women in the group will be making decisions about focus — local, national, and/or Israel. “It’s not so much which neighborhood,” Atkind says, “but how big the neighborhood is.”

She hopes that the chance to exert such influence will draw women from all walks and stages of life, especially those “who may really want to direct their gifts toward raising women’s and girls’ issues from marginal to mainstream.”

There are various endowment levels. “It is not an inexpensive thing to do,” she says frankly,” but the basic levels are do-able. And the potential impact of pooling resources cannot be overlooked.”

To join the Jewish Women’s Foundation of New Jersey, or learn more about it, contact Atkind at 973/929.3091 or .

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Donor Spotlight: Peter Feinberg

“I don’t have a choice,” says Peter Feinberg, about supporting UJC.

He doesn’t? He doesn’t choose to give?

No, actually. Not giving is not an option.

Philanthropy “has been ingrained in me from early childhood. My family has always believed in giving back to community. My father grew up in Newark with absolutely nothing. Basically self-made, he never forgot where he came from. Never, ever.”

The lesson internalized by Feinberg and his three sisters was and remains: “If you are ever in position to help out or give advice, always give back.”

“I have an obligation to be a member of a synagogue even if I don’t go,” Feinberg says bluntly. “I need to be a member of the JCC, whether I go or not. I need to support UJA whether or not I use any of the services of the agencies it supports.”

Why? “Because if I don’t, these things won’t be around.

“What I recognize is that there is a huge void between my parents’ generation and mine. The older generation, the giving population, is getting diluted as people age and die. Potential givers are more scarce.”

Feinberg’s particular philanthropic imperatives are education and children’s charities. He heads the board of trustees of the Winston School in Short Hills, “where children with learning issues are taught through eighth grade and then mainstreamed.”

His involvement with children’s charities is the story of a fortuitous intersection of ingrained lessons with professional life.

Feinberg was a partner at Oppenheimer when, in 1997, it was bought out by Canadian Imperial Bank, which “had a project going on that really wasn’t that visible in the United States.”

That project, called Miracle Day, was a single business day during the year from which “all our commissions were donated to various children’s charities. At the peak of thing – I ran it up to the peak – we raised $15.5 million in one day and distributed it to 575 different children’s charities.”

If Feinberg has a philanthropic wish it is that more people would view things as he does, i.e., “as not having a choice. I think it is more and more difficult if this generation, mine, doesn’t recognize this. And the next generation won’t if we don’t.”

And if worse comes to worst, the tribe disappears? “That’s it,” he says.

And that is why Peter Feinberg feels that when it comes to supporting the Jewish community, he has no choice.

It is rarely our practice to editorialize here at Speak E-Z, so please excuse our observation that the words “no choice” never looked so good.

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UJC to honor Lori Klinghoffer at Annual Meeting

The 2006 annual meeting of United Jewish Communities of MetroWest will take place Wednesday, May 24, at the Alex Aidekman Family Jewish Community Campus in Whippany.

The event is “the culmination of the year’s efforts” for UJC, says Max Kleinman, UJC executive vice president.

This year, the program will pay tribute to Lori Klinghoffer, outgoing UJA Campaign chair who presided over a challenging two-year period in terms of competition for fund-raising dollars from natural cataclysms, notably the tsunami in Asia and Hurricane Katrina here in the United States.

“Lori,” says Jeff Korbman, UJA Campaign director, has been “instrumental in helping us convey to the community that a significant investment was made in campaign. She traveled the world on endless missions, connecting with community members from all parts. And then she conveyed those experiences, those stories, with pictures, to the balance of our community back home.”

Her extensive history in the MetroWest Jewish community includes terms as chair of the Women’s Campaign and president of the Women’s Department; and membership on the board of trustees of the Daughters of Israel. On the national level, she has served on the United Jewish Communities National Women’s Philanthropy Board since June 2001.

The meeting program, Kleinman says, will include traditional components and a few special ones. Leaders and staff will be honored for their accomplishments. Special segments will be presented in memory of Herb Iris and Jerry Waldor. In addition, Ron Coun, who is retiring after 40 years of service with Jewish Vocational Service of MetroWest, will be recognized for his accomplishments.

The UJC Endowment Achievement Award will be presented to Arthur Brody, and the recipients of the Julius and Bessie Cohn Young Leadership Awards will be announced.

Trustees will be elected.

The Avodah award will be presented to one UJC employee for outstanding work, worship, service, and for performance of duties that go beyond departmental lines. The person has been chosen, Kleinman says, but will not be named until the meeting.

Chairs of this year’s meeting are Ellen Goldner and Bart Schneiderman.

A buffet reception will start at 5:45 p.m., and the meeting will follow at 7. Couvert is $36 per person. Dietary laws will be observed.

For additional information, contact Alan Gerberg at 973/929.3038 or . To register online, go to www.ujcnj.org/events.

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The year of the day school

For the past 16 years, the Jewish Historical Society has hosted a gala celebration called Lasting Impressions.

“It has had the same name every year,” says Linda Forgosh, JHS outreach director and exhibit curator. “I didn't name it, but I think it is aptly named because it expresses what the society is doing — honoring those who have left a lasting impression on this community.”

But this year, the 16th annual Lasting Impressions gala, set for May 21, “will see a departure from the standard format.”

That departure is actually an addition, for the event will also mark the start of a year-long celebration of the Jewish Day School.

The event is being coordinated with ongoing efforts by the Jewish Community Foundation (JCF) of MetroWest NJ to develop a major day school endowment campaign.

The goal of the campaign, says JCF development officer Kim Hirsh, “is to transform the educational landscape in our community by raising millions of dollars to ensure affordability and academic excellence at our community’s day schools.”

To this end, the JCF has been working closely with leading donors, day school leaders, and the Partnership for Excellence in Jewish Education, a national group based in Boston and headed by Rabbi Joshua Elkin.

Elkin, the featured speaker at the May 21 gala, will be meeting with campaign and school leaders at a private reception beforehand.

The celebration will recognize multi-generational day school family graduates from the MetroWest day school community: Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy, Rae Kushner Yeshiva High School, Solomon Schechter Day School of Essex and Union, and the Hebrew Academy of Morris County.

The table centerpieces are being crafted by student artists at the schools.

There will be special announcements about the upcoming day school campaign and the planned exhibition of the historical Hebrew day school experience in the region.

And “historical” is the word for that experience. The first Hebrew day school in the area was established in 1863 in Newark, and operated for six years, until 1869.

The planned exhibit, which will also bear the title Lasting Impressions, will document the history of the Hebrew day school in the community back to 1863, and trace its evolution, which was significant, Forgosh says, in terms of locations and names; there were many of both, enough to warrant “some parallels to the wandering Jew.”

Day school, she says, “really is its own world, something to know about." So the exhibit will be designed to travel, to reach as many people as possible.

What will those people see?

A classroom, Forgosh says, with desks and chairs, and an activity on every desktop. “Kids will be able to sit at a desk and do a puzzle or other authentic activity or schoolwork. There will be as many three-dimensional objects as we can find, including the Road-Runner, the current mascot of Solomon Schechter Day School. The entire presentation will be augmented by an art gallery, and supported by photos.

“The exhibit will not separate our three schools,” Forgosh stresses. “It will present what they once had or now have in common, such as the science fair, the trip to Washington, D.C., the banks of lockers.

“It will be the ultimate story for day schools.”

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JDC provides light of hope to Argentina's middle class

Before she became homeless, Delila Herbst was a Buenos Aires correspondent for ABC news, a journalist in the prime of her career.

What happened to her, the crash from solid success to penury, was not only tragic; it was also tragically common. Thousands of Herbst’s fellow Argentines lost everything they had, too.

It was the winter of 2001-2002 when the peso collapsed and the banks froze the money in depositors’ accounts. With no access to what they had put into the banks for safe-keeping, and the devaluation of the national currency, people of the professional and business ranks lost their life savings. Argentina’s once-thriving middle class disappeared.

“This was a community that didn’t know how to deal with being poor,” says Ricardo Schusterman of JDC’s Buenos Aires office, which saw its caseload jump from 4,000 to 36,000 during that time. Most of the people were either owners of small businesses that had gone under or out-of-work professionals like Delila Herbst. The American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee (JDC) is an overseas partner of UJC MetroWest.

With millions of dollars from North American Jewish federations and from the United Jewish Communities emergency campaign, JDC was able to give suddenly impoverished Argentines supermarket debit cards worth $50 a month.

It offered crash courses at newly opened job centers, where thousands of suddenly unemployed men and women hurried to learn new skills.

"You feel guilty," Herbst says, about being destitute. “It's not your fault, but you start hiding yourself. You get isolated. It’s always difficult to ask for help.”

Herbst can trace the start of her own slide back to 1994, when the major broadcast networks closed operations in Buenos Aires. At the time, she saw this as a temporary setback that someone with her credentials could overcome.

And she did, for a while. She got a loan and opened a video rental store.

Then there was a car accident, and injuries requiring an extended convalescence at home. Herbst had no choice. She closed the store and dipped into her savings.

She began having knee problems. She had been diagnosed with diabetes while still at ABC, but this was the first time any disabling symptoms had shown up.

To pay off the loan on the store, she sold her large apartment and bought a small one.

Two years later, with mounting medical bills from her deteriorating knees, she sold her small apartment and rented a studio.

In 2000, with the banking system in chaos, Herbst decided to entrust her life savings to a lawyer, a family friend, who, each month, would give her a small fixed allowance. The idea was to make the savings last as long as possible.

The money vanished in no time, and so did the lawyer.

“I went to his office to get my check when they told me he was gone,” she says. “I had $2 to get back home.”

The once-prominent journalist, suddenly penniless, moved into a public boarding house with 50 people sharing 19 dilapidated rooms and two bathrooms.

“They called it a hotel,” she says. “It was no hotel.”

She ended up in the “no hotel” for three years, ever fearful that the filthy conditions would make her sick and a compromised immune system would fail her. One of her two daughters, hopeless over her own plight and her mother’s, attempted suicide.

“There is a difference between being poor and becoming poor,” says Schusterman. The former might make do with “basic welfare needs.” But people like Herbst have to work again.

The situation in Argentina has since improved. JDC’s caseload has dropped to 24,000. While few can hope to get back where they were before 2001, many can aspire to a modest level of independence.

On the strength of her past career and contacts, Herbst recently began work as a researcher for the Simon Wiesenthal Center. She rents a room in a private home, an “acceptable” living arrangement that she says she would not have found without two essentials: the willingness to accept her situation and the courage to seek help from the Jewish community.

“One works hard to prepare for progress” she says, “but nobody works to prepare for an endless fall.”

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